Communicating Without Words: A Mother's Journey Through the Silence

By Charlene Wilson

There’s a moment I’ll never forget.
I had my flour and salt ready to make dumplings when I noticed Marcus grab a cup, run over to the water dispenser, and fill it. He brought the cup over to me, stood there holding it—staring. Not confused. Not defiant. Just unsure.
I said, “Marcus, go ahead and put the water in.”
He stood still.
I repeated, “Put the water in,” but again—nothing. This went on a couple more times. Then I took the cup, poured a small amount of water into the flour, handed it back to him, and said again, “Marcus, put the water in.”
That time, he poured it in.

That’s when it hit me—my son hears me, feels me, wants to connect with me… but he doesn’t always know how to respond. And sometimes, words just aren’t part of the way he communicates.

As a Jamaican mother raising a child on the autism spectrum, I’ve had to let go of what I thought communication should look like. I had to unlearn beliefs passed down from generations—things like, “If a child don’t talk, something wrong with them,” or “Him just rude and don’t want to listen.”

But no. Marcus listens with his heart. He communicates with his body, his eyes, and his energy.
And every day, I’m learning his language.

What Is Communication, Really?

Many people think communication means talking. But communication is about connection—being understood, expressing needs, sharing feelings.

Children on the spectrum may communicate differently. Their expressions can include:

• Humming when happy
• Pulling your hand to guide you somewhere
• Stiffening or flapping when overwhelmed
• Laying their head on your arm when they need comfort

These are all forms of communication.
But if we’re too busy or distracted, we can easily miss them.

When I slow down and truly observe Marcus, I realize he’s been speaking all along.

Listening Differently: Tools That Help

At first, I prayed, “God, please help my child to talk.”
Now, I pray, “God, help me to listen.”
And that prayer changed everything.

Here are a few tools and strategies that have helped Marcus and me:

• Using one or two words at a time instead of full sentences
• Whiteboards and markers so he can draw or point
• Printed picture cards for food, toys, emotions, and activities
• Modeling words with gestures like “Eat,” “Help,” “Stop”
• Narrating our surroundings when we’re outside to keep him included, even if he doesn’t respond

Sometimes, I still don’t know what’s wrong when he cries. Sometimes, I cry too.
But then, he’ll surprise me—with a clear “Mama” or a spontaneous hug. And those moments? They’re priceless.

For the Parent Who’s Still Wondering

If your child isn’t speaking, please hear this:
You are not failing. And neither is your child.

You are both learning something sacred—a new way to connect.

It’s okay to feel sad or overwhelmed. I’ve been there.
It’s okay to grieve the words you hoped to hear.
But don’t miss the other words—spoken through actions, expressions, and moments of quiet connection.

Your child doesn’t need to be “fixed.”
They need to be understood.

Final Words from My Heart

Every child has something to say.
And every parent—especially those raising children on the autism spectrum—has a unique ability to understand what others don’t see.

Your child is communicating.
Keep showing up.
Keep listening.
Keep learning.

The words may not come the way you expect.
But the love? That speaks volumes.

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