When Something Changed: How Illness Brought New Clinginess in My Autistic Son

By Charlene Pinnock

For years, I thought I understood Marcus’s patterns. One thing that always stood out—he never cried when I left the house.

When my other children were young, they would cling to my legs, cry at the door, or run after me when I left for work. But not Marcus.

He never seemed to notice—at least, not in the way I expected. Whether I was leaving or coming home, there was no dramatic goodbye, no tears, no running hugs. It used to bother me a little, if I’m honest. I’d wonder, Does he miss me when I’m gone? Does he even notice I’m leaving?

But then something happened.

It Started with the Flu

Marcus got sick. Really sick.

He came down with Flu B, and for several days I had to take off work and stay home to care for him around the clock.

I was at his side every minute—giving medicine, rubbing his back, holding him through the fevers, and just being there.

And that’s when everything changed.

When it came time for me to go back to work, Marcus watched my every move.

He started listening carefully for sounds—the keys jingling, the door unlocking, the rustling of my bag.

And then, for the first time, he didn’t want me to leave.

The New Clinginess

Now, when I get dressed or even step toward the door, Marcus becomes glued to me. He follows me from room to room.

He climbs into my lap.

He holds my arm.

And if I try to leave without a calm transition—he panics.

At first I didn’t understand it. But then I realized—during those days of being sick, when I was constantly nearby—he connected my presence with safety and comfort. Something clicked for him.

And now that he knows what it feels like to have me always close, he doesn’t want to let that go.

This Isn’t Just Clinginess—It’s Connection

To some, it may look like Marcus is suddenly “spoiled” or “attached.” But I know it’s more than that.

This is emotional awareness, developing in its own way, in its own time.

Children on the autism spectrum often show love and attachment differently.

Sometimes it takes a moment of vulnerability—like being sick—to unlock a deeper level of emotional connection.

This new clinginess is not a setback. It’s a sign of something growing in Marcus—the awareness that Mommy goes away… and he doesn’t like that.

How I’m Helping Him (and Me) Cope

This shift hasn’t been easy. As much as I want to soak up every hug and every sign of connection, I still have to go to work. I still have responsibilities.

Here’s what I’m trying to ease the transition:

• Verbal cues – I now tell him clearly, “Mommy’s going to work, but I’ll come back.” It may take time, but I want him to start connecting the routine with safety.
• Visual countdown – I show him when it’s time to go using fingers or a small schedule: “1 more cartoon, then Mommy goes.”
• Leaving something that smells like me – A scarf, shirt, or pillow that gives him comfort while I’m away.
• Short practice separations – Stepping outside for five minutes and coming right back in, just to build trust.
• Letting him express his feelings – Even if he can’t fully talk it out, I let him cry, cling, or hold on a little longer without rushing the goodbye.

Tips for Easing Separation with Autistic Children

If your child has become more attached or anxious when you leave, here are some gentle strategies that may help:

• Create a goodbye ritual – A simple phrase, hug, or wave you repeat each time can help make parting feel safe and predictable.
• Use a “return visual” – A visual chart that shows “Mommy leaves” → “Mommy comes back” can provide reassurance.
• Practice leaving in small steps – Start with stepping into another room, then gradually leaving the house for short periods.
• Record your voice or video – A short message they can hear or watch while you're gone can comfort your child throughout the day.
• Reinforce your return – Celebrate reuniting! This helps strengthen the idea that “Mommy always comes back.”
• Keep consistent routines – Consistency builds trust. If your child knows what to expect, they’re more likely to feel safe.

To the Parent Watching Their Child Change Overnight

If your child has suddenly become clingy, more emotional, or more aware of your presence—you’re not alone.

Sometimes all it takes is one moment, one illness, one break in routine, for everything to shift.

It doesn’t mean you did something wrong. It means your child is growing—emotionally, socially, and neurologically.

Marcus may not have cried when I used to leave, but I see now…
he always needed me.
He just needed time—and maybe a little extra closeness—to show it.